A Letter to the Past

It’s been a long time since you came into my mind

I know I might not be the best

I know that I couldn’t give you my future

I know I wasn’t there for you

I know we said our goodbyes

I know we parted on different path

I know I’m the one who gave up

 

I should’ve not say I wasn’t happy

I should’ve not say you couldn’t make me happy

I should have said now that you are the best thing I never had

 

I’m not contemplating, I’m just running through my memories

Memories of the bright smiles

Memories of the cold goodbyes

 

I hope I can return the feelings that was forgotten

I hope you can relieve back what have been rotten

I hope you’ll find the right way

To love somebody in any ways

 

Because this is my resignation letter to our past

With love,

 

B

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The Bubble Gum Sky

There you are again

The bubble gum sky

Not mine, not yours

Not even ours

 

As if it was painted with a glance of the past

The comparison between today and tomorrow

An easier goodbye to the sorrow

A delight from what have been passed

 

There you go again

The bubble gum sky

Not a day or night

But a delicate sight

 

B. Balikpapan, 8 December 2017

How My World Works

 

I’m not the smartest person alive, but everyone knows how the world goes on. You might think it’s money, but I think of something else. It’s the will behind every action.

Believe me, when there’s a will, there’s a way.

I believe in the willingness every fisherman had when they see the horizon line in the sea.

I believe in the willingness every builder had when they plant their feet the ground beneath them.

I believe in the willingness every carpenter had when they feel the woods with their bare hands.

Every big things has its own beginning.

For me, the big thing I look forward to is to write my own book, and the beginning of it was the chance to write several books for my past clients.

I must say, ‘twas a wonderful learning process. But, I have so much to do, and I know I am willing to do it, and I will.

What do you know, I have faith in great will.

With love

B

 

The Age of Pen Pal

I remember those days back when I used to browse through the pen-pal’s section on the magazine—yes we have one of those in Indonesia, and yes I am that old. I love the thrills, the weird introduction, choosing the best word choices, and unnecessary thrill to wait for the replies. The greatest part is, when you can tell everything and doesn’t hold back.

I have never got curios of my pen pal’s personal appearance or other necessities. I can read the details on their live through their words, and let my imagination run wild—the wildest a Junior High Schooler can be.

What is like today? Emails? Or there are no Pen Pals on the 21st century?

I would love to get one. The way Julia Child was with her dear friend Avis DeVoto, they told each other’s days, important events, thoughts, happiness, and even sadness. Julia wrote Avis for a long time, she loved her so much and always put a good words for her. She said that she longed to be a wiser person like Mrs. DeVoto, it’s just like Julia can tell all hell’s business and still got a way out through Avis’ advice.

I think I need that, a different view outside my world. I want to know what others will do if they faced the silly things I did every single day, and I would love to add my silly thoughts to someone else’s world.

Well I tried to find a pen pal once, but all I got was just pervy replies, and unnecessarily mixed signal that thought I was looking for a fling.

Well it’s 21st century after all. But I’m still hoping I could find something like what Julia and Avis had, a friendship through words.

 

With love,

B

After A Hiatus

It’s been a while since I wrote something on my computer.

I’ve been well, going around Balikpapan and Jakarta. I quit my job as a copywriter on my company. It’s a shame though, I love the job and the people I’ve been working with. But, we have no choice. The company isn’t going well this year, we have to cut back some people. My boss offered me another job position beside copywriting, but I couldn’t face it though, not to write—I made this blog to practice my writing skill at the first place…

But I’m still keeping in touch with them, my boss offered me a job as a freelance copywriter for the company. But since we’re not in a digital marketing zone, so there won’t be much things to write.

Since I have to leave the job, I need to clean my own mess. I have to write a SEO guidebook for my final work as a fulltimer here, and it’s been 2 months since I promised to work on this. I couldn’t finish the book, I don’t know what to write, I lost my writing appetite every time I faced my computer. It’s been 2 months since I touched the computer.

If you know better about SEO, please enlighten me, cause I am stuck on it.

 

With love,

B

Describing Pain

Pain is the way your body tells you that you have crossed your comfort zone. Your body is telling you that you have done something unusual and it’s not very happy with what’s been going on. But actually, it is okay for you to feel that. It is totally fine for you to feel the pain in your stomach because you have tasted a new spicy dish from that new restaurant around the corner, or bruised from climbing a big tree to grab your little sibling’s kite, or a red sore feet from wearing a new high heels on a nice date, it is all a good kind of pain.

If the pain is unbearable, you may think that “this is the end” and no, that’s not the end. There’s a reason behind it, you may think that you can no longer do the old ballet moves that you did when you were young, and you are in pain doing it now. It is just because you have stopped trying. You had enough of ballet when you’re 15, but now you realize how much you love dancing to the rhythm, and you regret your past decision. That’s what being in pain is; you’re trying to pick up the pieces.

Being in pain may be hard; it will affect every little detail in your life. It will change the way you see, talk, walk, or even how you process everything in your life but that’s the beauty of it. You may find a new system for doing one particular thing, you could specify which part is good and the opposite, you have learned because you were in pain.

For better or worse, we all have our kind of story with pain. It’s a great time to realize that we can feel it, and should be very grateful because that means we have experienced the feeling. The pain that you took from doing something beyond your comfort zone is remarkable; it has marked your adventure as a safe point though you know how painful it is and you have to be careful for not doing it again. All you have to do when you’re in pain is just calmly enjoy the state and see where you left off.

 

With Love,

B

The Living without Living

Yes, I am in that kind of state. It’s the boredom that eating me up daily. I shouldn’t be, because if I’m looking through my life right now where I just need to walk across the street for the beach and climb a little for a mountain’s hill, I really shouldn’t be bored.

I have tried concentrating in my work, but writing seems a bit confusing, and playing games not amusing me anymore—yes, I play online games. Funny random fact: The only reason I play was to talk with other players. It is a bit lonely here.

Back to the early 23 years living in the city, I often feel the same loneliness. No sparks, and no excitements—don’t get me wrong, I have friends.

I never want to know what is wrong with me. If I decided to check my condition to the shrinks, they might say that I have anxiety, or depression. That ought to be one of that, but I refuse to agree.

Here’s what I think of it:

Human, have ups and downs all the time. Well I’m a human, so my ups are when I socialize with people, and I can get really cheerful for it. But the second I parted ways with people, the downs, the loneliness, tiredness, and other-ness struck me.

That’s just because the happier I get when I meet people, the more energy I lost. Not that I don’t like meeting my friends, to be honest, sometimes I go to a mini-market just to greet people—that’s the whole new kind of lonely.

I have a small capacity of energy, and not very good at keeping them.

Well. This is a wishy washy words vomit for the day. Congratulations, you just wasted 2-3 minutes of your life reading this.

With love,

B

Onomatopoeia

Is a little thing we understand completely. For me, onomatopoeia is a conversation; we connect nature’s sound with ours, and using it only when talking with someone else. I always wonder, how the very first time it’s being used and noticed as one of nature’s language.

Like when we describes cats meowing and dogs barking in English and in my country a cat is simply meong and dog guk, moreoften, we called them as guguk and meong.

It’s not only how onomatopoeia is being used, it’s how different our humanization to nature’s sound. Based on the language I know, Indonesian and English, the sounds are captured on each language’s acceptance. And we have so many languages, and it’s amazing how a bark, guk, woof, haff, and vov taken as when dogs are talking. In every part of the world, the way healthy dogs bark and huff are in the same way, but they can be understood in different languages.

I don’t know where this is going, and I just mesmerized by the function of it. I’m thinking that beside body language, onomatopoeia is the wider and universal conversation that sounds the same, but everyone agrees and understands.

it’s amazing how dogs can talk to every one in the world without changing its dialect.

I’m receiving it as when I walk down the street, listening to sound my feet made, the wind kissing a tree’s head or just simply the sound of my own heartbeat. Onomatopoeia is the nature’s conversation that we understand in our own language, and each of it creates meaning for us.

A Writer’s Course

Being a writer doesn’t mean you can type all the different words every day with genuine fresh ideas. I recall the struggle I faced back in college when I have to write an essay or articles, even for a formulated one, the hardest part is to begin.

The beginning of my writing was at the 5th grade when I was interested in my school’s blank bulletin board. I walked by it every day to the cafeteria, noticed that nobody ever turn their heads to look at the board. I was so into poetry back then, credits for the classical Indonesian poet; Chairil Anwar, my mother brought me his poetry collection Aku and as a little child I am, burying my nose under the pages of his metaphors, simile and other figure of speech that I took literally and Indonesian vocabularies that I don’t even understand. That’s when the 10 years old me, made my own poetry based on the inspiration of my close friend Mr. Chairil Anwar and I posted it at the bulletin board. A month later, the board was always full withother students’ short stories, drawing and poetry. I must admit, this is the biggest success I ever had in inspiring others.

After the bulletin board, I don’t remember I have other writing experience until my college days, though I wrote journals back then, and twas always about my puppy love stories. I do remember reading books—plenty of books and comics—thanks to Mum, that always secretly in love with classic literature, and my older brother who stacked so many books that always interesting to read.

My brother, got into college for an English Linguistic and Literature major. There was when the stack of his book—and mine—gotten higher. I was introduced to Dan Brown, Henri Charrière, Agatha Christie, Asma Nadia, Habiburrahman El-Shirazy, and Andrea Hirata by my family’s mini library. That’s when I longed to be a writer, specifically, a children novel writer. And that dream was buried for a long time.

Until my college days, I was enrolled for the same major as my brother, I don’t know why I chose to study English—maybe twas the only thing I can do, English—but I was enchanted by other literature and being around people who appreciating it, suddenly I have the urge to write again. I wrote several poems in my journal, created one or two stories that only got through the first chapter, drawing sketches and playing my ukulele.

The Beatles, their songs also leaving a deep mark in my writing history—as I never understand Stan Getz without looking at the translations. I was deeply in love with their songs, and their stories, and that’s when I realized that ballads are amazing.

Back to my writings, the only book I have ever written successfully was my thesis for bachelor degree—it is called Skripsi in Indonesia. My research was based on something I deeply in love with; Children Literature. I used one of Ursula Vernon’s graphic novel as my thesis material, luckily I got in touch with her and got the insight from the author’s very own words–that’s kinda cheating. That was my first email conversation with a real writer. I will exaggerate this as an awesome experience, and I was the first student who made graphic novel research in my major.

I wasn’t a really good student, moreover a good writer, but I know I want to and I need to know if I can. So after graduated, I worked in a digital marketing company as a sales administrator. There was when I know about copy writing and envy the people who’s entitled. My colleague, who was a copywriter in that company—that always said “copy writing is easy, just copy and rephrase”—wasn’t from communication major or even linguistic and literature. But she is strong in English, and could applying it well—this is why I was jealous. I don’t even care about grammar, back in college, I have poor grammar understanding and very careless about it—still not well in the present though.

The company was only writing for Indonesian client and in Indonesian words, where I am not very capable of—I know, that’s embarrassing thing to say for my first language skill. So I searched for any company that will accept me as a newbie copywriter, and I found Inkspiration, a Singaporean digital marketing enterprise that accepted me the way I am. They took me in and taught me a lot of copy writing skills. They have plenty of Indonesian employees, working from home and posting their job through internet.

Here I am now, writing on the beach, drinking coconut water and working daily as a careless Copy Writer.

Crooked Cotton Ball Sky’s Frontier

I have tried so hard to write based on the schedule I have. But time sure is a decent enemy, we have trouble syncing our movements, or… maybe he’s ignoring me.

I believe that I never personified time. Bizarre. I amazed just how people have different approaches on something. Different ideas, and idealism. It also amuses me by how my brain still not cooky enough to produce things like that.

Hence, I adore the work of Alice Through The Looking Glass. From my commoner eyes, I’m aware that searching ideas to follow the first brilliant idea is not an easy task. Let alone the first story of Alice in the wonderland is made of cotton ball and thunder bolt, it succeeded to march the bedtime stories for decades.

Will I have another one? I hope so.