The Living without Living

Yes, I am in that kind of state. It’s the boredom that eating me up daily. I shouldn’t be, because if I’m looking through my life right now where I just need to walk across the street for the beach and climb a little for a mountain’s hill, I really shouldn’t be bored.

I have tried concentrating in my work, but writing seems a bit confusing, and playing games not amusing me anymore—yes, I play online games. Funny random fact: The only reason I play was to talk with other players. It is a bit lonely here.

Back to the early 23 years living in the city, I often feel the same loneliness. No sparks, and no excitements—don’t get me wrong, I have friends.

I never want to know what is wrong with me. If I decided to check my condition to the shrinks, they might say that I have anxiety, or depression. That ought to be one of that, but I refuse to agree.

Here’s what I think of it:

Human, have ups and downs all the time. Well I’m a human, so my ups are when I socialize with people, and I can get really cheerful for it. But the second I parted ways with people, the downs, the loneliness, tiredness, and other-ness struck me.

That’s just because the happier I get when I meet people, the more energy I lost. Not that I don’t like meeting my friends, to be honest, sometimes I go to a mini-market just to greet people—that’s the whole new kind of lonely.

I have a small capacity of energy, and not very good at keeping them.

Well. This is a wishy washy words vomit for the day. Congratulations, you just wasted 2-3 minutes of your life reading this.

With love,

B

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